RESISTANCE...

In thinking about this year, one thing I am most proud of is that I stitch for at least 1 hour every day.

Gaining this discipline came from a totally non art related experience.

At the start of pandemic, I allowed myself to join an online exercise program.

To be honest, I didn't care much about the exercise bit. What I wanted is to get closer to the founder of the program. She was at a retreat I had gone to years ago. I had quietly stalked her since then. Her life was the opposite of mine. Now she had an online exercise program. My gut said try it and my gut needed some trimming. It was a risk because my partner had lost his job and we were on a tight budget. The risk was investing in myself and to be willing to sacrifice for that when there might not be enough at the end of the month. The risk was worth it.

One element of the program is habits. Each month we get to pick one habit ourselves and each month the leader picks one for the community.

My own habits had to do with stitching - developing my studio practice and business practices. I was't the best at doing it every day, but I kept trying.

The leader's habits were different. We drank lemon water, ate a vegan meal once a day, danced for 10 minutes a day. I also wasn't consistent with these, but they were fun and I tried.

The one that broke something inside me was a cold shower every day. That one was tough. And I did it every day.

After that month, I was able to stitch every day for one hour. Most days I do more, but the minimum is one hour.

I think those cold showers changed how I deal with resistance. I find it challenging to stop my life - being a mom, a pet owner, a wife, and an employee for my dad. Those are things where other people see my value.

Working on my own work - my own ideas - is how I value myself. It is really scary to claim the time, space and money for a vision only I have. It is scary to acknowledge that the vision I have is worth investing in.

It takes faith to work on a big goal a little bit every day. That is a lot of days of trusting in the process. Of sitting down with a needle, yard and scissors and committing to the project, committing to the vision, and knowing that the process is bigger than myself.

I can see how I avoid - for me its lists. I make a grand list, and work on checking it off. At the end of the day, there may be a lot of crossed off items, but I have not done what I needed for me. I know I need to time and a place where i don't know what I will do, how I'll do it, and be okay with the real possibility it may have to be cut out tomorrow.

Creating through stitching is meaningful work for me. It is sitting down like my grandmother, and women before me. It is sitting with Arachne, the mythical weaver and honoring her. It is sitting and opening up to the universe.

And it is the hardest to show up to because I have the most to lose.

And now, each day I do that. I try to do it before noon. Sometimes, I don't get to it until after dinner. But I do it.

How does your resistance show up? What is the resistance protecting?

note: the exercise program is called INTESATI by Patricia Moreno

OUTSIDE

What a year! One of the things I realize I have not taken the time to process this year is the shift to doing work for outdoors.

It wasn’t until I decided to take on the challenge of doing work that is intended for outside that I felt the safety and security of doing work for indoors.

First, indoors is controlled. The temperature, the lighting, how close viewers can get to the work, and even who is permitted to see the work is decided by someone and honored.

Second, indoor spaces have context, they are created by people with an intention on how the space is used. Making art, and showing art is vulnerable. Creating the work is an opening into my soul, and to showing it is an act of service of that experience. Indoors, the work feels safe to share.

Third, when indoors art can be labeled ART with capital letters, and be treated that way.

Going outdoors - the work needs to stand on its own. No walls to support me or the work.

The work needs to be strong. The piece in Brewster was put up on a 105 degree August day at noon, and taken down in November during a snow squall. It survived hurricane like winds and groundhogs. And its got to survive humans and the weird things we do too.

ALL of nature will see it. When art is outside, everything nature has is witnessing it. Eagles, worms, and groundhogs. Everything can poop on it, eat it, and just check it out. Outdoor art is not just for humans.

Nature is BIG. Put something big in your house outside and it looks like a toy. A couch can fill up a room, and outside, its a small piece of the block. 25 feet inside is really big… outiside it is dwarfed by the maginificent OAK.

Nature is beautiful. Anything outside is seen next to the most beautiful of creations - spider webs, trees, dandilions, birds, clouds. Putting art outside is very humbling.

Nature moves. Wind -can’t see it. It can caress your cheek and tear a building down. Outside, there is a lot of it. Outdoor art has to acknowledge wind and its power.

When the pandemic started, we didn’t know how the virus spread. We didn’t know how long it was going to last for. I am an artist. I am a contemporary artist. If I was to own that identity, I was going to shift my art to reflect the contemporary times.

Art was going outside. I was going to make art for outside. The work I created in the past 9 months is a direct experience of the pandemic - our constraints, our desires, and exposure of our weaknesses and our strengths.

STRIKE A POSE

I had one of those moments last week. I saw something that I have been thinking about ALL week.

Is there visual art out there that the viewer reacts to by moving their body in a certain way (besides putting there finger to their temple in puzzlement) ?

I went to see #iamORANGE onsite last week. Is has been up for 5 weeks now and I wanted to see how it was doing. I checked her out and went to look at the other art. I looked back and saw a woman asking her son to take a picture of her in front of the piece. And then she struck a pose and put her arms up - the same way I do when I take my picture in front of the piece.

The size of the work was defined by Instagram: it is a square and the composition is based on the human head being in center approximately. That is why the pieces are 10 feet square. The pieces are meant to be shared on social media and the title is a hint to that.

I am committed to learning about white privledge and how pervasive it is in our culture. This woman was black. And she struck the same pose I did. And it is a pose of gloriousness and pride and beauty. Maybe we aren’t so different. Maybe we all want to be seen in our glory, full of pride and beauty.

Is there other art out there that we move certain ways when we look at it? Was that intended by the artist? Is the idea of an artist being aware of the viewer and their movements a reflection of our relationships? our responsibility to each other?

ABSENCE & PRESENCE

One of the exciting attributes of my work is the absence. Inspired by watercolors where the white of the paper (the ground) is left untouched, I look for the same quality in my work. It is one of the defining factors if a piece can leave the studio.

In watercolor, the paper is left untouched in areas. These areas allow light into the image. By doing this, the art is also unveiling itself. It cannot be mistaken for an actual representation of the object. It will remain an image on paper.

In my work, stitches are left out. It allows for light into the art in the same way watercolor does. The lack of stitches allows the debris netting to be exposed. The material on which the piece is created is as important as what is created on it.

It also allows the viewer to see to the other side of the art. So the viewer can see THROUGH the piece. The stitches block the sightline, define the space of the art (as in the art is here).

By allowing the viewer to see through the work, the metaphor for absence and presence builds. What is left out is as important as what is left in. What can be seen on the other side is as important as the barrier (or art in this case).

May we strive to look at others this way. To recognize their physical attributes, and at the same time witness what is on the inside.

WHAT AM I DOING?

I just finished listening to Jerry Saltz narrate his book “How to be an Artist”. Totally recommend listening to him read the book - its way different than listening to your own voice in your head read the same pages.

One of the chapters is to write about your work. Here I go…

What am I doing?

I love Color Field art. Like as much as I love my kids. Love.

Recently someone I respected said they thought those yellow and red squares were bullshit and were the simplest way to make meaningless art. WOAH. OK. So what is it about Color Field art that makes MY heart zing?

Let’s go back…

My family is from Holland, like off the plane Dutch. My father’s side of the family are all in the flowerbulb business. I grew up in the bulb part of the business here in the states. Bulbs are the brown and gold onion looking things that 6 months later show their color. There were a few times I got to go over in the spring.At that time of year, the bulbs are flowering. Fields that other times of the year are wet sand colored are FILLED with blocks of yellow, red, pink. I would ride in the back of the car through these color fields. Sometimes we would stop, and I could walk up to, then into these fields of a single color.

Something happens when I stand in a field of color bigger than my body. There is a release of a tension in my skin. I can feel something inside fall away, and something that I would describe as my life force expand. It is a crazy feeling. It’s the same as when I stare at Color Field art.

I had issues with Color Field painting too.. Its awfully square. Rigid. Confining in contrast to the field of color within. Dude, way to make an incredible feeling and control it. I resent those perfectly straight controlled perfect lines.

What if I went Oprah on Color Field art?

Oprah is at her most beautiful when she is at her physically biggest. She takes up space. She physically confronts. It is the most magnificent display of feminine beauty.

This is not frail, wispy, pre-pubescent feminine idealized in fashion. Even I could snap their arms. Oprah beauty harnesses the great divine feminine. It reminds me of Michealangelo’s Pieta - her ass is HUGE! The Pieta is a mountain, a force of nature that is as great as the Earth we walk upon.

What if I took what i loved about Color Field art and went Great Divine Feminine on it?

That is what I am doing.

RADIO!!!!

I recently got to be a guest on the radio! It was super exciting and I got to meet Andy Monk who teaches crochet to talk about LGBTQ teens and homelessness.

Andy Monk uses craft to engage pedestrians in learning to crochet. As he is teaching, he engages in a conversation about teens that are homeless, that could use the blanket they are crocheting. A lot of these teens identify as LGBTQ+. It is a brilliant way to engage peoples hearts.

The two of us spoke on the radio, about craft. The AIDS quilt was HUGE (an element of my work) and went straight to the heart of the people whose lives ended because of the disease (Andy’s work). It’s amazing how something that is craft, can be a powerful to connect with the heart directly.

Have a listen! click here!

WOAH. that's big!

The new series are big. These are 10.5 feet square. They are bigger than the body. They are taller than you and wider than you.

When you can see the piece from far away, - which is cool since it is meant to be seen outdoors where there is a lot of space - you see the image. As you get closer, the image falls apart and you can see the stitches. And then the expansiveness of the color, so much color!!!!! Hanging in air.

To me to go big is to claim space. It is a declaration that I intend to be seen, and my what I make is bigger than you. To go big - to claim space like the big guns - Nevelson, Coyne, von Rydingsvard, takes courage. But then all art takes courage. It goes against the values of being a good girl. i am not good and I am not a girl. I am a woman. And I do far more good for the world when I let go of being good.

When you see the work, what do you think of the size? Do you want to step into your bigness?